akutq

Since it is impossible to be back where we was, as he is determined to have that career, and treat that career as a serious career, I lost one of the reasons to feel worry free out of sudden, and here I am. I am someone who needs a place to just let everything go, and have a peaceful life afterwards.

So often I wonder, why am I like this? But then I realize, that's because I look down on myself. I don't need a man to tell me if I would be ok, or if I would be not, everything that I felt, it depends on me. Honest, I just don't get it when he said himself before that he wanted to study and strive, that is why he chose not to be busy. But then again, I guess he forgot about that. It was never my intention to hold him down when he thrives, but I really can't understand which part of choosing this path would help him. I just don't understand which part of helping requires him to be a committed worker the way he chose to be. I just don't understand, why is he up to it anytime, whenever called like it matters life and death to him. Like this is his real passion and ambition.

I don't know, which part of me is missing, but honest, I am not the same. Him choosing to prioritize a life that suddenly comes to his way over his student life, makes me know that I should treat him different. I wish he knows, that in order to gain some, you should definitely lose some.

He knows that I'm sick, and he knows I have so many burdens on my shoulders, yet he chose to put me on the second place, demanding my understanding and patience. I don't know which part of real career life can he compare this to, because I still won't be happy if he chose work over me on the weekend. It is life, can't he see? I am busy from morning till evening, just like office working..meeting at night is actually a meaningless time. We are too tired to even be happy. If he really thinks that it is a good idea to work from monday till sunday later on even when we are under one roof, well, I guess he should brace himself on the possibility of losing me. Why would I tolerate on someone who can't spend the weekend with his own family even though he can choose to not be busy? What? Are we having urgent debt to be paid off?

Does he think I would be like this over real life and real work, when we are living far away? He knows I don't pay attention that much when we are apart. Because it would be simply useless. And honest, I don't really care... because nothing will change. But when we are together? Well... we are so close, of course I would demand for his time. It might be better off if I don't exist if not, because he chose this commitment (me). Why would I stand in his way if we are apart? I might as well just disappear without trace rather than pestering him if that is the case.

I don't know, I supported him wholeheartedly thinking he would just do this to buy a phone that he had always dreamed off, but instead.... well, he actually just wanted to prove he is better off with not being in the clubs.

It's ok honey, I get you totally, but I would just show you I am good on my own. No worries, gone now me that you have loved, unless you would still love me despite my change. I support you, no worries, but there goes the me that you knew, say hello to the over-achiever me. Yes..serious, matured, and surely, would care less about you, because that would cut all the reasons on my crying habits, which were really a waste of my time and my tears. Thank you baby.

Love you baby. Have a good life :)