akutq

Is it that wrong to worry and sometimes scold someone you love because you worry and love them at the same time? the truth to be told, I don't yet grasp this whole idea of not having him around, and i feel jealous occasionally when he was somewhere else, but i understand, or at least tried to. It is hard, but I give him space, I just want to be rest assured that he will be going and back, unharmed.

I sometimes worry I'm not good enough. So often I just think that I could be ditched so easily because of my hideous appearance, but in the same time I want to be appreciated, loved. I really don't get it when he scold me for worrying, and so often, I feel unappreciated. I trust him, but often felt like he want someone better. So often, I felt so guilty for being me, I am unworthy, a contempt in the eyes of his friends. I wanna let him go, but I can't. Because honest, I can't live strong and confident without him, because he is someone who will cheer me up even when I'm mad as hell at him.

But now I just wonder, does he love me? Does he care? Or is ego the only thing matters to him? Doesn't matter about me, as long as his ego wins?

Maybe I should just leave, and let him go back to where he was before because he loves himself, his friends and his life that much? That I should just disappear without a trace like I always do?

Maybe it's true. He is too good to me. And maybe it's true, he doesn't need me, neither my personality.

And maybe it's true, I am a better person, by my own self.

I guess that's it, I should stop loving, because if I do, I will worry, and when I worry, I became annoyingly concerned and started babbling, and when I do, he hates me. And I don't want him to hate me. Because in the end, I love him.