Sacrifice

Aku pun tak tahu since bila aku jadi perempuan over reactive. Perempuan yang tk reti nak jadi independent. Aku sumpah tak tahu bila aku start perangai budak-budak aku. Tapi yang aku tahu, perempuan tu bukan aku. And aku perempuan hati batu. So aku tak tahu since bila aku jadi perempuan hati lembut macamni.

Satu benda yang aku tahu, aku jenis yang akan turut apa yang orang nak, bukan aku yang nak orang turut apa yang aku nak. So bila aku rasa aku ni punca beban, padahal aku nak jadi punca kebahagiaan, aku rasa tak berguna. Rasa teruk. Rasa macam.. apa function aku dalam hidup dia then? Aku yang nak dia aktif, nak dia berjaya. Tapi bila dia busy aku yang sedih, merungut. Bodohkan perangai macamtu. Macam singkat sangat akal ni nak faham, yang aku ni tak lah sepenting life dia. He's got a life. Come on. Kau rasa dia your whole world doesn't make him feel that you are his whole world the way yo do. He has his own way. And he needs his own time, his own space. Honestly, aku rasa dia lagi happy harini bila kau tak kacau masa dia. See? Kau bukan x tahu, tapi saja ikut perasaan.

Aku ni ada satu benda yang memang perangai aku. Aku boleh berubah and jadi determined tiba-tiba. So, this time aku determined. Aku tak nak jadi source letih, serabut, penat dia. I will only come to him when he wants me. When there's need for it. Tak nak dah asyik harap dia ada selalu. Aku perempuan independent, Selama ni aku memang macamtu. So, mudahkan jelah urusan dia. Don't always call for him. Do things on your own. Kau bukan lemah, kau just mengada. Jangan sampai dia rimas, tak suka. Respect his life, because he needs his life although you can give away everything for him. Although you did gave away a lot of things already for him. But that's your fault. He doesn't need it. So don't do what he doesn't ask. Because he won't know that you do it for him. Because it is all just you, not something that he asks for.

After this, just do your work. The way you usually did. Make him happy, although you might cry. Because that is how you love after all.Always how you love. So accept what you have chosen. Stop crying. Just like him, live your life. That is how, you can be happy, grateful, and feel loved.That is how, he will appreciate you. That is how, you will be your old mature self. And that is how, you can make him happy. That is the most important, to make him happy.