akutq

It's early in the morning and the air around me is cool against my skin. Everyone has left home to their school and workplace (literally everyone has gone to school. My parents are teachers) and so again here I am in my room alone being accompanied by the sound of the roasters and birds outside my window and also, my good old wall fan.

My routine at home usually is like this:
6.30-7.00 a.m- I wake up, do my subuh prayer
7.00-9.00 a.m- I stay in my bed, going back to sleep, or I stare at my phone while thinking what to be done, or turn to my laptop searching for news.

Ok, it's not my intention to share my whole routine, just up to this time.

So today, I decided to scroll through FB through my laptop while tethering the internet from my phone through USB (it's so convenient and cheap way for internet) and read the posts of my fellow facebook friends. It started off with a few good news and stories that made me smile and had some thought that today would be a good day. The stories that made me think that life is full with good things and good people and that I should be grateful. But then a facebook profile picture caught my undivided attention.

It was just a photo of a family of 5, being happy on a beach, beaming smile in the most glorious way, like there's no way anything would go wrong with their own little world. It's just a normal picture. My family and I have lots of them and we never think much of it. But today, that simple family picture brought me to tears. It really pained me as I know the truth behind it.

The picture is that of my uncle's family. My mother's younger brother. It was uploaded by his oldest son and it was from many years ago. I saw the picture and I read the comments of my aunt and uncle below it. It brought me to tears. My uncle said: "you know I'm watching from far right?" and my aunt said "do you miss your old time when you're still a child? Give me your number so that we can contact each other".

I know my family was feeling the exact same thing as I did. How can he not miss his childhood? That was the time nobody thought that his family would have so much issues that ended up making everyone of his family always ended up in tears. Too many things happen to him and his 6 other little siblings when he is now only 13 years old. That little sister of him of the age of 11 years old had already have to take the responsibilities to take care of her 4 little siblings helping her mom while she's working. So many turbulence of life had came to their way and they were all but little children.
They always had to travel back and forth from my grandma's house and their other grandparents house because their parents are in such difficulties, they cannot afford to give the kids comfortable life like others have. The grow up being so independent, surviving anyways by themselves, while being thirsty of love from their parents. They are my family, but they live such a different life from me.

I know my grandma want to take care of all 7 of them but she's old and the grandparents of the other side also want them. It breaks my heart seeing that they no longer get new clothes for hari raya from their dad, and that they'll have to wait for our aunts or uncles to buy some groceries for them to be able to eat delicious things for themselves. They can even survive only with enough rice and soy sauce and eggs or just instant noodles and they never complain about their food.

I know what my cousin is trying to say from that picture. I'm sure he wants his old life back. It breaks my heart thinking that they are family, but they live very differently from me. It really breaks my heart. I wish they will all be happy and successful in their life and be the grown ups that will change the condition they are in now.