akutq

Do you know that feeling when you feel like you are not the best source of happiness anymore? When before being with you was all that the other person wanted but now being with you is not that exciting anymore. I miss those time when we would talk about music, and he would want to teach me the guitar, and we talk and laugh and be happy with our other friends and there was none of this kind of feeling where you are lonely just because he was not there.

Do you know the feeling when you are always together, that at first things were exciting, but now all that he would do is play games while you watch your movie that he is not interested in, and you sat across each other, so close but like strangers? You felt so guilty that he had to spend his day, bored because of you...as you are just boring. Because your words are just meaningless and nothing about you is good to show in his eyes. Nothing interesting you could share about because honestly, now, you don't even have a life. You have lost it all when you said no to all those invitations to hang out with your friends and now you don't know what are they talking about behind your back, and you wish you know but nobody cares to come to you and talk about anything. 

Do you know that feeling when you are sad because you only have one person, that only source of happiness and the only place you can rely on because you have lost the others, but you see him being more happy to be with his own life? You want him to be happy and you know you can never be that part of his happy life. His real happy life. The real him. 

You just feel guilty, and guilty and you just feel not... a part of his real happiness. And you are worried your words will annoy him. Your curiosity, insecurity is no longer cute, but annoying. That you just want to shut up. You won't even talk about it. You'll just stay being the one wrong, and always be the one apologizing. Always be understanding, although no one would try to understand you.

In the end... you just feel alone, and in the end you cry again..alone..and feeling so cold because when he doesn't understand you..he won't just hug you and say he's sorry you're mad or sad.... he would fight for his stand and be right and you can't even sulk or show that you are sad. You keep it all in... and in the end... you really just keep it all in.

I wish to be happy.......when can that be?