Complete

He completes you as other half, but he completes me as a woman and a person. I need him to be a better person, and to have a brighter future and a happy life. Because he is just the kind of person I can spend my lifetime working with, solving any possible issues without any sudden outbreak of rage and serious despair. He breaks my stubborn resistance on things. He lessen what is too much and completes what is empty. For now, he is the only man on Earth who has that effect on me. Or so I thought. If he is the person I'm thinking he is, then yes, I am completed with him besides me. Though I can't treat him with all my heart now, because he doesn't deserve it, not as long as he is an ajnabi, but I do wish I can.

But it's too early to be too sure. I'll wait for a few more years and think and analyse and see the situations and all the people around me before coming to my conclusion on whether he really is someone I need. If he is, I might be in deep trouble. What do I do if it is true. Yup this is troublesome.  The whole process would have to be repeated again. I might even face a second rejection. But I don't mind. Because if that time comes, it's better that I fail after trying. Because if it really happens, I might really need him. But that time might not come if I succeed in changing my mind before that. 

But what is important, I'll make myself a better person. Maybe Allah would give me the thing that is just right for me with my effort. Allah knows what I do not know. Getting something else might make me a more grateful person.

 For your friendship, do know I am not trying to take him away. Not a bit. He is your best friend as long as you want it. My place is elsewhere and I know that. I do not belong to any of you in the tie of friendship that has been created. I'm just a stranger that knows both of you and that's all. I do not deserve a thing from any of you. And I'm okay with it. Though I don't know if there are friends that I care and depend on more than you guys in my study years in IIUM, I'm okay with none. I'm okay alone. I'd be okay because I am me. I live so freely I hardly attach to anyone at all. Allah is enough for me. And even if I die a lonely death without friendship, I know I'm never alone. Allah is watching, the angels are witnessing, and I am never alone. He's just a normal guy in my eyes. Not much different from others for now. And I look at him as a potential man. But no, I'm not trying to own him or anything. I'm not.

I really wish any of you can look at me as separate entity. Separately. Looking at me like a woman, not a clown. As precious my parents look at me as, I'm not that precious enough maybe in his eyes. Like I don't have enough quality to be a good woman to represent him. Or he just doesn't care. 

But nevermind, I've worked hard for my life. So sane enough person would realise about me. At least I know. I've worked hard. I really did. I deserve a person who appreciates who I am, and care to bring me to Jannah. Because in the end, that's what a man is to a woman. Her route to Jannah.

p/s: do you think I need a boyfriend? Nope. Not at all. That's wasting time. I'll make myself so worthy that no one would think that it is wrong to choose me. As a companion till death do us apart.