Passion and fight

Growing up, I realize I have that little stubbornness inside me (ok, maybe a lot) that will try to get what I want when I truly mean it. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but throughout my journey, this stubbornness that I have has actually allowed me to gain things I deemed quite impossible for me to get. Some might call it determination, but I just view it as being stubborn because sometimes this attitude I have can really be a pain in the neck to those who was involved with the requests and continuous arguments that I did not end until I achieve my goal.

Yeah, sometimes I wish I can change this stubborn head of mine but old habit is hard to break eh? Yesterday after years of arguing with what I want, finally I got the permission to own what I want to own. A guitar. Yes. You might feel it's like a small thing why make a fuss out of it? Well, it's not like that in my shoes because I have a really high passion to music though my parents often opposed to it. It's not easy because their way of thinking really contradict from mine and God knows how many times have I had to stand firm for my view  and opinion with a really strong explanation and debates in order to have them say yes and really understand to what I want and what I want to convey.

I know that as a child I should always obey them. However this part of me that can't help repulsing to things that make me feel as if my life is under someone else's control made me a daughter with a very high level of stubbornness. It's not like I don't listen to their every words, I just fight when I feel like it's something that is included in my right to live freely and more exposed to the world. Well, this is the bad side of the story of my so called determination, yet the good side always show more than the bad and i know that when my parents say yes to my requests, it means that they finally realize that there is no harm in letting me do what I wanted to do.

Somehow, this stubbornness I have made me achieved sweet success I never believe I can have. This drive of wants that I have, the efforts, the rush that I feel to strive towards what I want makes me so impenetrable to whatever negative thoughts people and my own head have against me. Like, in high school. Being in a prestigious high school with Additional Mathematics as the main academic success, I faced a real tremendous stress and fear. (No, this is not a hyperbole). Can you imagine being in a school where if your add math is not at least A-, you will be looked at like someone who has done a sin big enough as bombing a building because you make the academic school pointer drop! Yeah, that sounds so absurd but that's the truth and I, as a form 5 student in 2012 managed to still get myself a D in my real SPM trial. How frustrating was that? But hell yeah, I did not became frustrated and just laid down and do nothing. Because of that result, I worked really hard on Add Math day and night, not panicking and letting myself believe that I love that subject and to my grace, I did love the subject (I use did because I'm effing sure I hate it again now). And guess who managed to get an A- for Add Math in her real SPM? :D

I'm not sure myself why in the whole world am I talking about this stubborn head of mine that I own, maybe because I'm just happy that finally I gained the permission to own a guitar or maybe because I'm feeling all philosophical out of the blue. But whichever it is, I'm wishing everyone a really good day and may the odd be in your favor. What you need to do, is to just fight. Have faith! :)