DEEP..

Have any of you ever feel like yur heart is empty and all you want to do is to cry without any particular reasons that nothing can explain scientifically or magically.. (whoooo)

I guess that kind of feeling should really never exist in human's sky reaching development of history. You know what I mean. Well, do you think people in The Stone Age ever had those kind of feelings..that's simply ridiculous man, come on..

Anyhow, actually, I'm the one who is having that feeling right now. Grrr.. why would modernization brings such a ridiculous feeling like that? It's weird, it's not right and it is simply annoying. My heart feels like it is not placed in the right position and I try to put it back but it just won't go there.

Know what, sometimes I feel silly enough, fool enough to think that no one will talk about bad things behind me. Fool enough to think that I can just ignore the world or try to communicate with the world. Sometimes I feel fool enough to think that I'm getting along with the right people when the truth, I'm no comparison to them. They're great, popular, love to bring people down, hate people who have serious thought like me, live their life the fullest and have many people who love them. Me? I'm just a piece of useless old junk, who gives nothing and gain nothing. Being thrown out from the their society is the best option because well, I'm just an eyesore to them.

Do you know the feelings when people who befriend you before just put you away from their life? Yeah, you really think that you can mingle around, be close and have great chat with them again until when one day they talked to you in bored tone. They treat you as if they're not sure about the hell that they are doing. It burns. It burns in the heart, blacken it and leaves a hole behind. And just believe me, they will say, 'Why the heck would I care?'

It will hurt more if someone you trust, someone who you consider best friend, kinda make fun of you with some hotstuffs in FB. Well,I just hold my clinging heart up until now just because there's no statement but I really do sure they're talking things related to me and my friends. I don't know anymore. I think that I'm not worth a friend with anybody. Boys, especially. I know I'm fat, not that smart, not that kind and not that nice but it's me. Can't you just accept me the way I am? Or Bruno Mars' song Just The Way You Are is really impossible to ever happen? Oh, and I'm most furious with people who never ever knows me and suddenly making bad assumptions about me. What the hell they think I am? I mean, that's me. I can accept them. I don't question their way, what's their right to question mine? Can't they think?

I really am sad whenever I track again those old pals who used to be so nice and warm. They're simply different now. Maybe I do too, I don't know, I mean, I cant look deeply about myself because there's no way for me to study myself except someone tells me about who I am.

I know that I'm don't fit in being a crybaby, but right now I do. And who cares enough to stop me? No one I guess. No one. But hey guys, you that are always there for me, always making me warm, Thanks a lot, I appreciate and I hope you will want to be my friends 'till the day of golden age :)